Monday, August 20, 2007

Sometimes I Get Sad


I try to keep the posts on my dear little blog upbeat & positive. The thing about blogging is you share only what you want to. I love each of the comments that I get. They build me up & make me feel better about myself. Truth is, there are things that I don't share with you all. For example, I don't share photos of my messy house. And sometimes, when I haven't updated for a while, it's not because I'm busy doing something fun. Sometimes it's because I'm in a slump. So here is the awful truth:

I've been in one of those slumps lately. Just depressed.
I talked to my sister on the phone about feeling homesick.
I talked to Chanel about feeling like a crazy mother.
I called Dylan at work to tell him I was fed up with the girls.
I'm tired.

Sometimes I don't want to be the mom anymore. Sometimes I don't want to be the one that everybody needs. I don't want to be the only one that can get them all to stop crying. Sometimes I wish I could come up the stairs without a baby carrier & 10 grocery bags in my hand. I wish I could take a nap whenever I wanted, or be able to eat my meals in peace....slowly....not scarfing. Sometimes I make myself feel really bad for being selfish.

I know that I need to enjoy these days while my kids are little. I know they grow up fast & I'll miss the little versions of them. I know that this is what I've always wanted...to be a momma. I know it will all be better soon....Sometimes I just can't make myself snap out of it.

And, on that note, I promise a more upbeat & positive post later today when I start a little series called "I Love".

17 comments:

chanel said...

Sorry you're homesick on top of everything else! These are the days you'll look back on and just think how AWESOME you are that you survived! What great experiences you Heavenly Father is giving you to grow and be the person he needs you to be. You'll be that wealth of knowledge to your girls, that your mom is to you. We all get the blues, especially when we're sleep deprived, it WILL get better! Did you guys make it to the temple? I meant to call you last night.

I think "I Love" sounds great- thinking positive helps fight the blues.

I love... YOU!

Amber said...

Candace! My eyes started to water when I read that. I think because I feel the same way sometimes.
Somedays it just hits you and you feel that way. I think it is normal & it helps to express it. So thanks for sharing! It also helps me & probably others to know that this is normal & ok to feel this way. We have a lot of responsibility.

I can't wait to read your "I love" post.
I love you!

Emily W said...

Candace, I know how you feel. When we lived in Omaha and I had my second baby, it was really hard. I think you do an awesome job of getting out with your kids and letting them paint or get messy. I'm not so good at that. Just remember that those feelings are normal and just try to be positive. It will help! The "I love" series sounds awesome. By the way, you inspired me to start my own blog. Our address is thewright6@blogspot.com. Let me know what you think.

Heather said...

It makes me sad that you are sad.....I have never dealt with the homesick thing. But do feel very much like you described in not wanting the everyday responsibility sometimes. It is a tiring, neverending, demanding job that of a mom. Anyone who tells you that it is always easy and they never get flustered or irritated is LYING!
The temple is a good place to restore some peace. When I start having those overwhelming feelings, I know that I have not given myself enough ME time. That is not selfish. We need to be able to breathe and do what we want once in awhile. Take an hour to yourself out of your house when Dylan gets home from work....you deserve it, and your family will thank you.
Wow that sounded like the bossy big sister...that's what I do.
Hang in there, I love you!

Keri said...

I feel for you, Candace. I truly believe these feelings are normal, though. Life is tough! Hang in there. It looks like you have great support!

ashley said...

i think that every mommy feels this way. for me it was at church yesterday when i just wanted to leave alone. sorry that your feeling a little down. i think it is normal to have ups and downs. it's easy to blog about the good, but good for us to blog about the not so sweet. sometimes it just feels good to get it off your chest and also to know that there are others who feel the same and are rooting for you.
can't wait to hear the "I love"

Erin said...

When Ana woke up this morning, I listened to her cry for a while, hoping she would fall back asleep. I wasn't ready to be mom yet. Sometimes it would be nice to take a day off of motherhood. You are so good about staying positive, though. Its inspiring! And knowing you have sad days too, that helps.

The Fellers said...

Candace, I am not going to try and give you any advice, because, once I learned that you dont want to hear it when you are down, that you just want support! So, here it is, support! Sometimes I feel the same way, and I think it is wonderful that so many of us do, because then we create this huge circle of mothers standing strong together. I too got a little teary eyed while reading this post. Thank you for confirming to me that I am not alone. I will say one thing about you.....you are truly an inspiration to me. I hardly know you, but I feel totally inspired by you and would like to TRY and be a bit like you in my family life...other things too...but this is the topic. And I cant wait to read the "i love" posts!

breckster said...

Thank you for sharing! I am new to reading the cute mom blogs, and I was starting to think, "I guess I can't be a cute mom because I have days where I do not want to be a mom, let alone cute." So, thank you, for letting me know I can be a cute mom! Good luck! I hope something fabulous happens soon to help you out of the slump!

alexandra said...

Well, I have to tell you... you are not alone... even though it feels like you are sometimes.
I have been a stay-at-home mom with twins for the last 4 1/2 years and at times I wondered what I had gotten myself into and where MY life had gone. Craving a conversation with someone who could at least string a sentence together - I remember being thrilled when my friend asked if I would mind watching her 5 year old and I jumped at the chance because at least he could talk to me - we could actually communicate!!
So often things feel thankless, crazy and even dark but try to hang in there. Try to focus on the good stuff but stay real and acknowledge your feelings the way you have in this post. Take help when you can get it - try to find some space for you - whether it's and outing or just a bath or whatever centers you.
Sending you positive thoughts and understanding.
Best wishes,
Alexandra

Erica said...

Hi Candace,
I frequent your blog and found you through Chanel....anyway, I can totally relate to your post and you're totally and COMPLETLEY allowed to feel like this!

Secret: I am intimidated by how creative you are! You are so much more than just "mom" and it always inspires me to see woman like you...those who make things with their own hands, those who love and care for little human beings, those that don't let the word "mom" and "wife" define you....so thanks for the inspiration...

Janae said...

I love your blog because you're not afraid to let us see the good and the bad. I always feel like I need to be this perfect person, and that if I feel down or cry that something's wrong with me. I honestly love it when you express how you feel down because it makes me realize that I'm not alone either! Life isn't meant to be easy. I love the quote: "Why do we fall? So we can pick ourselves back up." (I think that's on Batman Begins, but it relates!) Thanks for being such a wonderful example.

chanel said...

whoa, SEE! You are AMAZING! People look at you and all you do for your family and this world and you are makign a huge difference- no wonder you're tired!!! Take Heather's advice and have some ME time- you've earned it! Me time definition- not making something, doing something, or even THINKING about someone else, just thought you might have forgoten what that is. :)

candi said...

you aren't the only one who feels this way! being a mom is hard work...i too dream of eating a peaceful meal and just being me, for once without all the cling-ons!
so, you aren't alone in feeling like this! keep smiling...it can only get better :)

Usually Happy said...

I love that you posted this! I'm a mom of a whole short two weeks and I've already started working at my job 15 hours a week again because I just NEEDED to. I couldn't imagine having two little ones and not feeling overwhelmed sometimes. I'm glad you posted this tough because people feel like this a LOT and sometimes it's nice to know you're not the only one. Thanks! I still love reading your blog. :)

courtnee said...

I am having one of those days. I didn't just get tears in my eyes...they are streaming down my cheeks. thanks for sharing, and for being such a great mom.

Anonymous said...

Candace, I continue to love your blog -- for this piece of honest writing here, for the beautiful photographs (especially of your growing girls), etc. This is a really special page you've got here. You draw people right into their own hearts and what's really important in our lives. And I hope that, in sharing these things, your daily burdens are lightened and your own heart is benefitted.
You've got that sacred call of being a mother -- its a pilgrimage by which your Father in Heaven will draw you out and reveal yourself to you for all of your gifts and talents and blessings and graces. I've seen this with my own mother -- it is something so unique and divine -- you can't overstate it.
But in all of your giving, remember to give to yourself daily; be as kind, patient, affectionate, and attentive to your own soul as you are to others.

thanks Candace,
know that you're loved!

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