Wednesday, March 12, 2008

You've Got Your Hands Full


That's the comment I get the most from complete strangers whenever I leave the house with my kids in tow. It usually ticks me off, because I asume they're trying to tell me that I'm not handling things well. I really hate it when I feel that somebody is telling me that I'm not doing my job right. Don't you know that I'm perfect! (I'm so totally not perfect. I just have issues with other people lacking confidence in me. major issues. we just won't go there.)

Anyway, I get most of my comments from older people. You know, the ones that know EVERYTHING because they had children of their own 20-30-40 plus years ago. "that baby needs a hat on" "don't let her stand up in the cart" "where are your socks" "she's hungry" or "she needs a nap". I'm so glad that total strangers can look at my children for 2 seconds & know exactly what they need. Now, I think I'm a pretty good mom & most of the time my kids do have socks on or something covering their heads, but you've had those days when the fight is just not worth it & you'd rather get to the grocery store before lunch or nap time.

Well, on my last trip to the grocery store, I had a little old lady that felt the need to mention to me that I had my hands full. And as she laughed at me while I stooped over to put both the girls back in the car grocery cart & get them buckled in so that we could get the cart out to the parking lot (because both of them just had to get out once we got to the checkout), I realized that maybe I shouldn't take it as a negative comment. I'm doing just fine & I don't need the approval of strangers to confirm that. Maybe they're just mentioning it because they miss those days themselves. The days when they were so involved with little ones.

I've been struggling with Sadie lately. Yesterday was bad. Real bad. When I ask her to do something that she doesn't want to, she yells at me, hits me & throws toys at me. She is constantly doing things that she knows are not allowed & when I try to punish her for it, we get into the yelling, hitting & throwing toys again. So, today started with some Supernanny tactics. When she unbuckled her arms from her carseat during the ride home from dropping Dad off at work (car troubles), I told her that she was going in timeout once we got home. Now, normally I would just let it go because by the time we get home she's behaving nicely again. Not this time. I kept my word & she was mad! But after the 5 minutes, she was more than ready to offer an apology, I had her attention & could explain car safety to her & we gave each other hugs & kisses. And, the morning has gone really well. She hasn't been back in timeout yet. I'm feeling positive.

So I'm trying to change my attitude. Not to feel mad all the time because I'm constantly juggling little ones. It would sure help me a lot if winter would be over & the sun would shine on me a little more, but I can do it. With or without mother nature's help. My kids are not horrible. They're actually really good kids. I've just got to do my job to keep them that way. And I've got to fill my house with more love.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

i bet people aren't trying to insinuate you're a bad mother. if i ever say "you've got your hands full" to women i mean it in a "you are supermom that you can handle those kiddos every day...that looks tiring".

Holly said...

I'm coming out as a lurker! haha. I remember seeing you in our Rexburg 9th ward and I saw got your blog link from Morgan's. I always thought man, she's got it together! And that little Sadie is the CUTEST!! I am so impressed with all the fun crafts, and learning tools that you incorporate into your daily life! You are a great mom! We all have our days! I'm currently taking a Parenting With Love & Logic Class, it's free and it's been AWESOME, most school districts offer the course. It follows alot of the same lines as SUper Nanny, but more in detail. If you are interested I could get you some literature on it. :) Hope your day continues to stay great! Thanks for inspiring us all to be better mothers

old lady said...

sorry deary, i just wet my adult diaper and was trying to distract myself by commenting on others' stage of life.

chanel said...

HI candace-
that old lady is FUNNY!!!

Anyway way to keep perspective! Sounds like you're mothering with spiritual power- and super nanny power NEVERS hurts!

How blessed we are to have our hands full! ;)

Artsy Momma said...

I love super nanny! my daughter is almost two, throw tantrums but I dont think is at the point where she will understand discipline. So right now I just watch the show and take notes for the future *smile* As for the rest of your post, I know your thoughts feelings exactly. Your hands may be full but I am sure you would have it no other way!

royaloaker said...

I agree-- I also do not appreciate comments from others. But I do think, however, that older people just want to engage with you because they like little kids, so that's the only thing they can think of saying. You shouldn't take it personal-- you ARE doing a great job!!! :) I'm due in May with daughter #2, and I was just saying to my husband that I'm not taking my 2.5 yr old and the newborn anywhere by myself for a LONGGGGGGG time because I'm too chicken.

Supernanny would be proud! It's hard to enforce those time-outs. My hubby is a pushover, but I'm a Time-Out Nazi, and I can definitely see the results. Keep up the great work! xo

Ariane said...

I loved this post because I feel the same way (I think a lot of people do)! It made me good to know that I am not the only one who struggles with my kids and other people's opinions of my parenting skills!

Good job with Sadie! I struggle with Clayton every day. Maybe I need to use some Supernanny techniques - they sound like they totally worked! You are a great mom!!

Jenny + Mark = Love said...

Candace,
You can look up the "Love and Logic" parenting online too. Our school district offers it, and other parents I know who have the same frustrations you and I do, have taken the class and loved it!
Don't worry, you are doing a great job. And it helps to talk about it too. You are not the only mom who feels this way!

Candace said...

Chanel, you make me laugh!

Thanks to all of you guys for your comments. It's always so comforting to know that we all go through the same things. I've read one of the love & Logic books before. I really like that system & I could really use a "sweet" child right now. :)

Jessica said...

oh man!!! i can totally relate to this post! really , everything hit home. from the old people comments to the trouble with my 2 year old! i am SO right there with ya!

Amber said...

I know what you are talking about. And I am struggling right now with Carson. He throws some major fits and is always so angry. I need to work on him big time.
Good luck with Sadie!

Janae said...

It's nice to see a post about your daily struggles, cuz those are the same ones I go through too. I take it with "you've got your hands full" as a compliment too--like I'm somehow holding it all together even though I feel like I'm about to fall apart.

I just have to tell you that when I first discovered your blog, I read all of it and was fascinated by how creative, patient, and kind you are. It made me wish I hadn't been so shy around you and had just opened up when we were still living in the same town! And then when you would watch Aubrey for me, I just couldn't believe how cute you decorated and how fun Sadie was. And your cooking skills at the cooking club--can I just say I always looked forward to what you would bring? Keep up the love in your home--and thanks for sharing it with us on your blog.

The Fellers said...

i love this post! you are a real person, and i totally understand what you mean about "old" people giving you "advice" I hate it, and I just want to scream everytime someone looks at me like I am a bad mother because Scoty is screaming at the top of his lungs in target, hate it! You seem to handle it very very well! Hats off to you!!

Scott, Aimee, & Emily said...

Way to go in keeping a positive attitude! Even though my little girl is only 13 months, I admire those other moms that bring their kids to the store and don't slow down their day!

Michelle said...

I took a Love and Logic class that our preschool offered. I like how it puts so much back on the kids. Sometimes Spencer teases me about Love and Logic so we're both going to a refresher class in a few weeks so he can learn what it's really all about.

Melissa Everett said...

Candace, you are doing a wonderful job! you are a great Mom! And I know exactly how you feel about outsiders commenting on your parenting abilities! (remember BabyCenter Moms) You have great kids... but kids are kids and they all have good and nad days! At least you are aware of the problem and are attempting to fix it. keep your head up! And the way I look at it is... I wouldnt want it any other way... to have my hands full that is! :)

amanda said...

i see you already have some great advice but i just wanted to say, that i totally understand and your kids and you are great. good luck with sadie.. don't you just love this age.

Usually Happy said...

I read your blog all the time and I just have to tell you that I think you're like SuperMom!! In fact, sometimes I tell my husband I can't read your blog anymore because it makes me realize all of the cute things that I should be doing but don't give myself enough time to. Your kids are so adorable and I think "got your hands full" is a complement because you do such a good job at it!

fectoglen said...

Wow, I feel as if I could have wrote this post! I too am stuggling with a tempermental two and a half year old and a 1o month old! It is tough to stay patient for sure.

Anonymous said...

I know I have made the 'hands full' comment to mothers before but I always mean it in a friendly, admiring way. Now I dont like the 'that baby should have a hat on' comments. I love the coupon clipping.

Michele said...

I really loved this post! Thank you for being so candid and honest. I too have a hard time with the comments that strangers sometimes make when I'm out and about with my daughter. But I'm working hard on letting it go in one ear and right out the other!

marymary said...

I guess I've always heard that particular line -- "you've got your hands full" -- as a universal expression of sympathy, like an acknowledgment of how hard it can be with small children. I do wonder if the people who offer flippant advice remember how hard it really was though.

Ashley said...

I know this is an old post and you might not see this comment, but I had to! I always think it's interesting when people say that the comment "You've got your hands full" offends them because I always took it to mean that they thought I was awesome for being able to manage so many kids! :) Even if that's not what they mean by it, that's how I'm going to continue to take it!
Also, HATE the "where's your socks" comment! I get that all the time from my father-in-law and it drives me crazy! LOL

Post a Comment

I looove comments. Thank you so much for taking the time. :)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...