Friday, November 20, 2009

I Just Want To Be Awesome


Sorry for my absence around this space lately. We've had a busy, busy week around here. Hopefully my posting will get a bit more interesting as I get ready to go full force with my Christmas crafting.

On an unrelated note, I've been doing some thinking lately....
I am a very self conscious person. I have lived my entire life worrying about what others might be thinking about me. Worrying that they are judging me based on this or that. Well, lately I just don't care anymore. I am happy with myself & the way I choose to live my life. I present myself in a way that reflects the principles & standards that are so important to me. If somebody else is judging me...that's their problem.

I'm wondering, did this come about because of my age? Has turning 30 made me feel like it's time to let all the worry go? Or is it being back in my home town? Does Las Vegas give me a confidence that I've never had before?

I think the real answer is just that I'm progressing for now. My insecurities could all resurface at any moment & I could very well go through another period of being too critical of myself & of others for perhaps thinking that I don't dress very cute or that maybe I should take better care of my body. Because I know they think that! I'm a mind reader after all.

Who knows. For now I'll just enjoy this moment for feeling good in my skin & proud of the person that I am inside & out. I hope that you all can take some time this weekend to think about all the things that make you great & all that you do to make the lives of your family & friends so wonderful. It's good to remember how loved we are....just the way we are.

12 comments:

gret said...

Good for you Candace. I can certainly identify with the whole paranoia about being judged/people pleasing kind of mentality. It's a hard thing to move on from that, but it's nice to hear you are getting there. I love reading your blog by the way, and if it's any affirmation, I think you, your family and work are just lovely! x

Hambergoosa said...

I know what you mean. I'm critical of myself and a really bad people pleaser!

Bex said...

It goes back and forth for me as well, the people-pleasing and self-doubt. I'm in the ebb at the moment, and I've learned that for me, it's so much about the circumstances that I'm in. When I am in transition, or a bad place emotionally, or just feeling weak, I care so much more what people think that when I am happy, right where I want to be, feeling productive. I know you've just come through a hard time, and I'm happy that you're feeling centered and calm. I hear it does come with age. If that's the case then I can't wait for my eighties. Yeah, I should love myself by then.

Amber Liddle said...

It's so easy to wonder what people are thinking, but really is the best when you can just be happy with yourself. It's funny b/c getting older has been good to me--I have much more confidence and am happy with how I've turned out so far. Much easier than my 20s when I cared so much how I appeared to people :)

chanel said...

you rule, thats where the confidence comes from.
and all my lovin! ;)
what the frEakin heck is that picture of?????
its killin me!!! you're FUNNY!

Candace said...

I was waiting for somebody to ask about the photo. I think it's pretty hilarious. It's a clay head that I made back in 1989 (i was 10) at private art lessons & he's wearing some glasses that came with one of our paper orders. awesome, right?!

chanel said...

wow, private art lessons! im sure when you showed your mom and dad that sculpture they were thinking, "money well spent."
but look at the long run- you are quite the artist, maybe sculpting just isn't your thang.

Candace said...

Daaang, Chanel! i was 10 years old! I think it's pretty impressive for a 10 year old. Way to crush a girl. lol.

13mimosa said...

I think perhaps some of it is age. I just turned 40 and although I don't feel so much older I do feel more "at ease" with myself. I think I don't give myself so much of a hard time anymore, I choose to be kind to myself - for the most part. There is one person in my life who can still reduce me to a heap, not with words, but with a look and have me second guessing myself no end, thinking I'm guilty of something when I didn't do anything. I still find that one relationship hard, but I try not to take on the issues of others and make them my own. It's hard though.

chanel said...

oh my gosh, im rude.
I was being funny? sorry.
seriously sorry, it is fabulous!

rachel awes said...

& awesome you clearly are!
enjoyed your blog!
www.allididwaslisten.blogspot.com

Bianca said...

I think you are pretty awesome!

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