Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Chubby


So last week I ran into an acquaintance & her mother & we had a super quick chit chat & then I turned around & was on my way.  Just a few steps away I could hear them talking about me quite literally right behind my back. 

"Is she pregnant????" The daughter whispered to her mother.

"Hmmm.  I'm not sure.  She's chubby!" The mother responded.

And of course because I was only about six feet away, I could hear it all.

I thought to myself, "What idiots!"  I know.  Rude of me.  But that's what came to my mind & I continued on with what I was doing & with the rest of my day.  But darn it, when I went to lay down at bed that night, I couldn't help it & I just started crying.  It crushed me.  I am so insecure about my body this pregnancy.  Yes, this is by far my chubbiest pregnancy & I'm concerned about just how more chubby I'll be by the end of it.  I don't want people to think I'm gross.


But come on!  This is definitely the shape of a pregnant woman, right?  Not an over eater.  I am growing a baby!  A baby that I wanted for so long.  Pregnancy is beautiful.  I should not care what anybody else has to say about it.  Especially women that don't even have the decency to wait until I'm out of ear shot to talk about their negative opinion of my body shape.

This is a short time in my life.  I am going to enjoy the heck out of it.  Chubbiness & all!

Also, I've got the emotions right now.  Big time.

Also, I am not posting this to get you all to tell me that I look great.  I just want to remember.  I will always tell pregnant women how awesome they look.  Bringing a baby into this world is an amazing sacrifice.  It's a beautiful act.  We should never make the pregnant ladies feel horrible.

63 comments:

The Hunter's Prize said...

Wow! That's terribly rude! I confess that I am a little insecure about becoming pregnant again as I was in great shape before my baby and not so much now. I know that's natural and normal but still. And yes, you most certainly look pregnant!

Jacy said...

Candace, you are beautiful girl!! They should've asked you politely instead of talking behind your back...but God knows all things. Keep your head up and that smile shining :)

Melanie@Crafty Cupboard said...

Preg ladies are never gross! I remember when my sister was pregnant with her first, she had some major water retention issues. We would all sit around poking her legs and giggling while waiting for that baby to jump so we could all see. Those body oddities are part of the fun. And usually the brunt of the pregnant hormones too!
You look great :) Definitely pregnant!

Erin L said...

I had a woman in my ward tell me that I don't look pregnant, I just look bloated. I think she meant it as a compliment to my small-ness, and I love this woman so much, so I just chuckled, but seriously?? I am always self-conscious during my 2nd trimester. It is that weird in-between stage. Blah! But at least we get a little bundle of heaven in the end, right?

Kami said...

Chubby, you are not! You are doing the most amazing, powerful thing right now as you grow this little munchkin! Embrace this roundness! Own it! And you look pregnant, not like a member of Overeaters Anonymous! Idiots, indeed!

amanda said...

Dude that is the worst. I worked at an old folks' home when I was pregnant with Lizzy, and the crusty old guys were forever telling me I looked like I was "about ready to pop" from the time I was like 5 months & on. GAHH. There was a post on My Happy Little Life last week about how beautiful pregnant women are. It was a very edifying read.

Btw I saw this on Pinterest just now & thought of you with your boy clothes dilemma: http://pinterest.com/pin/24048589/

beki said...

Sometimes people are stupid. Their comments are a reflection on them, not you! Embrace the chubiness!!! I'm in my 4th pregnancy, and as crushed as I was to be putting on the pounds so quickly, I've finally accepted that this is what my body does. This happened three times before, I don't know why I was so surprised that it was happening again. You're absolutely right - this is a short time in life, enjoy it!!

The Brullooly Family said...

OH for crying out loud! What is wrong with people??? You totally look pregnant! And adorable! I hope I can look as cute and "chubby" as you my next pregnancy!

pinksuedeshoe said...

There is not another single group in the world that would sacrifice as much as women do to bring a baby into this world. No one else would give up complete control of their body, their emotions and their minds to something or someone that they have not met, yet love so incredibly that it makes it all worth it. And even after those tiny little babies are born, it doesn't end. A mothers sacrifice is eternal. You are beautiful. Pregnancy is beautiful. This little baby growing inside you is beautiful and the sacrifice that you are making to bring all of this about is the most beautiful thing in the world. Now, go have a cupcake :)

Ariel said...

A: You are CLEARLY pregnant.
B: People are stupid.
C: This is not your first rodeo and so your body is streching out much faster than with your previous babies!
D: You are beautiful.

xo

Kristy said...

Amen and amen!!! And that is obviously a delightfully beautiful baby bubble on the front of your body! Some people are such dummies!

Good for you on the enjoying the heck out of it...there will be a time not to far ahead that you will miss it...chubbiness and all! ;)

Hugs and happy baby growing!

Tanya said...

Do you think chubby people are gross? Ouch.

nato said...

IDIOT YES THEY ARE.
You actually look lovely. And you look pregnant.
I think they need glasses the mom and daughter.
That is a baby tummy.
You go girl and don't mind the AWFULL PEOPLE.

Truly said...

that is insane. you look amazing.

the end.

Mrs. Sassy Crafter said...

People are so rude!!!! I think you look beautiful, I love when I see a woman pregnant, it makes me feel good and loved by Heavenly Father, He gave us this wonderful gift of being able to bring children to this world....what a wonderful thing that Heavenly Father is entrusting you with one of his children for you to nurture, care, a love!!!....be proud of that belly, cause I think is super cute =)

Miss Val's Creations said...

You do look beautiful! You certainly do not look chubby!!!! I actually think you look thin for a pregnancy (but healthy) so I have no idea what that woman was thinking! Take care. ~Val

wdmk said...

Could be worse, you could be chubby and people think you are pregnant. Happened to me right after I had my son, that really sucked cause that belly doesn't disappear overnight ya know? Secondly you can clearly see you are not chubby but pregnant.

kittykerri said...

You may not be looking for this...but you look great! You are by no means chubby...you are pregnant!

Erin said...

you don't look chubby at all. you look like a woman with a baby in her belly.

i am shocked by how rude and clueless some people can be.

crafterhours said...

preach it, sister! And at the risk of sounding like a lesbian stalker, I have always thought that you are beautiful. I tend not to tell other women when I think they're beautiful, but maybe that's the whole problem. We should say it more often and encourage one another. Especially pregnant one-anothers. And whenever I got down about my pregnancy weight (60 lbs!), I just thought about the future when I'd be a size 2 but have no more babies. It's a season in life and a wonderful one at that. enjoy it!

Anna said...

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and feeling the exact same way! My belly is growing not just straight out in front, but all over (not to mention my butt and thighs!). When I start to feel unattractive and bad about my body, I remember how MUCH we wanted this baby and how LONG we tried and then I start to care about my image a lot less. Pregnancy is a beautiful and freakin amazing thing!! I appreciate your honesty and couldn't agree more...

L said...

That was seriously rude! Take it from someone who gets HUGE every time, you look great! Getting big and not being able to fit through a door is part of the fun of being pregnant. I am a fairly small woman who has big babies... things just get big. And I loved it. Maybe I looked gross, but so be it. I have 3 awesome kids to show for it. You will always encounter people who say silly things when you are pregnant. I was 5 months and had people asking if I was overdue. lol

feathermar said...

Superheroes grow people! You are hardcore!

chanel said...

here's my post when i was about at your stage with baylor- http://chaneladams.blogspot.com/2008/09/baby-news.html

just love your belly IT IS PERFECT!

Anna said...

It shouldn't matter if you are pregnant or not, they shouldn't have said anything at all!

Mad said...

Ok let me get this straight. It's ok for you to say "chubby" people are thought to be gross and over eaters, but it's not ok for someone to wonder aloud about something you didn't tell them? Just because someone UNINTENTIONALLY hurts your feelings doesn't make it ok to hurt others!

leigh said...

What a great post! I have been pregnant 5 times and for me getting fat and trying to lose the weight each time has been SO hard emotionally! The only thing that gets me through it is that I have lost the weight every time, so I know I can do it. I also spend way too much on clothes, but it helps to look cute. Big girls who aren't pregnant can look cute too - so can a pregnant girl. And you totally look pregnant. No question.

Barbara said...

You are obviously pregnant and beautiful!

Jacqueline said...

Oh, sweetheart! I am sorry!!! How mean! I think you look pregnant and wonderful! And I am sorry the emotions are hitting so hard. I hope you get the chance to take a breather.

Candace said...

Okay. When I was talking about "gross", I was talking about myself. Not Chubby people. For the record, I've probably been considered chubby my whole life. I'm not a skinny girl.

I don't think an over eater can even have a belly like this! The weight gain would be evened out over their whole body.

I personally think that a larger size woman is more attractive.

Seriously, Not trying to hurt anybody's feelings here.

I guess it's just the way I expressed that I have a serious problem with constantly worrying about what others think of me. My conclusion was that these ladies probably think I'm gross & so everybody else must too.

Plus I'm a bit dramatic. No, obviously chubby people are not gross.

Amanda M. said...

I would have reacted the same way you did. Including the crying and feeling pretty sad. :( However, you look PREGNANT to me. FOR SURE. Like I am not sure how anyone could think anything else - it's definitely a pregnancy look - NOT a chubby look. Those kind of comments are from the same people who see an infant girl dripping head to toe in baby pink with a giant bow affixed to her head and go "OH, is the baby a boy or a girl?"

Little Lizard King said...

People are freakin' insane. You are definitely pregnant. People lose their filters when they are around someone pregnant, as if suddenly comments like that are appropriate - pregnant or not. When I was pregnant someone came up to me in the store and said, "I was wondering if you were fat, but then I realized you were pregnant." What part of inappropriate and rude don't they understand - especially when they are dead wrong?

Bego said...

you're absolutely right. hooray for pregnant ladies!
and by the way, you do look pregnant and not chubby. i don't know where these two ladies you talked to had their eyes...

Stacy said...

Holy.... I amost said cow but scratch that...
You look amazing!!!! If that is chubby I am in trouble. They are idiots. Plain and simple. Seriously? Some people.....

Marty J. Christopher said...

Oh my gosh! Those people are so LAME. You are most clearly pregnant, and looking FIT for being pregnant, too! You look fantastic. Ignore those rude meanies. I would have turned around and said something, but I'm crazy like that. I applaud you for taking the high road.

And I also don't blame you for crying. Once, I was on the bus and this drunk sports fan called me fat. I held it together until I got off the bus, and then I burst into tears. : O ( But between you and me, you're soooo not chubby or fat or any of that. : O )
PS. Did you ever get my email? I saw your trays featured at Craft magazine's blog a wee while back. So awesome!

MommaWard said...

No fair! I don't even know you and I want to fuss at someone and give you a hug! Ok, well, if I saw you I'd probably have to suppress the urge to rub your belly too because...you're so obviously preggers! Forgive yourself the tears. Who wouldn't cry?! Those two must have super serious insecurities going on to be so blatantly rude about something so obvious and so wonderful.

Tez said...

Ah the general consensus that chubby people are gross.
It is such a normal thought pattern in our society, that people don't even think twice before expressing that they assume others would think them gross, were they chubby.

The offense you took was likely in part due to the emotional ups and downs of pregnancy, and partly due to what I said above: it is difficult to believe that someone would view us in a negative light or that someone's eyes fall on us and they are not delighted! That is heartbreaking, I know it.

Someone commented previously "why wouldn't they just ask politely" A lot of women are defensive because they have fielded comments, questions, concerns, nosiness,constantly as they try to deal personally with the pain and trauma of being unable to conceive. Many individuals just don't ask. Honestly, does the knowledge matter? We should all, as women, support each other and hold each other up. Does it truly matter if that lady is pregnant or chubby? acceptance.

As a chronically chubby girl, I firmly assert that you do not look chubby! I also firmly assert that we all need to change how we perceive beauty. We have such an outward view of beauty, as though the small aesthetics and ablutions women put themselves through *including ocd timetables at the gym!* could create beauty ON them when one should clearly *based on the way humanity acts and reacts towards each other* focus on making the INNER parts of us beautiful, CHUBBY even, with grace and compassion and respect.

Caring how you look to yourself is sometimes about shifting your paradigm of beauty.
Regardless of how many pounds you EARN this pregnancy, you are doing something awesome. That makes you gorgeous. You can't buy that at the store, girl!

Candace said...

So interesting the conversation this has turned into. But I actually love it.

So well put, Tez!

I recently saw this image & loved it! http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2008/10/26/mens-and-womens-ideal-female-body/

My husband is always telling me that he loves my body (pregnant or not) & I'm always telling him he's crazy & I'm fat. But I can tell he truly means it. Why do I not just believe him & accept the compliment, because I feel like I need to be a few sizes smaller for anyone to accept me. It's just nuts!!!

Little Gray Pixel said...

You definitely look pregnant. But to add to the conversation, I find it amusing that the adjective "chubby" means "cute" when we're talking about babies but as adults we take it as an insult.

Elizabeth said...

When someone told me I looked chubby (to my face) when I was pregnant, I told him, "speak for yourself!" He never made another rude comment to me after that when I was pregnant! What is up with our culture and I have a daughter and hate to think about the harshness our culture has towards women's bodies. It is a real shame.

Lauralee said...

When I saw these pictures the first thing I thought was "what a cute baby bump!" You definitely look pregnant. And I don't blame you for crying, mean comments make anyone feel bad-especially when you're pregnant!

little love said...

You look pregnant & beautiful. Enough said really! xx

Carolina said...

I felt totally bad when I read the beginning of your post... but by the end, I have to admit that I was kinda giggling...
Here is why: I so TOTALLY get how you feel. Because when I was pregnant with my son, I would have hour long meetings with clients, and at the end when we were wrapping up, would mention something about the baby or being pregnant, and the client would be totally surprised... having no idea that I was pregnant! Seriously... I was 7 months pregnant, rubbing my tummy the whole time to keep kiddo's feet out of my ribs... did they really think I was that fat!? So... I've been there. And some people are just... well... so self-absorbed they have no idea.
Enjoy your little miracle. : )

Sofisan said...

Good post! And I know that feeling,I have stopped worrying about the looking fat thing now that the belly is getting more out there (like your is) but in the beginning I was very self-conscious even though I have been bigger at points in my life, non pregnant.

Now I worry about the stains, am I the only one who have s serious problem with being an extra 4" away from the table? I spill on my shirts all the time and I feel like a slob!

oh and don't sweat the crying part either... I started too cry the other day cause my husband changed the music without asking me... yea crazy, but I tell myself that as long as I can tell when it is crazy then it is ok.

moomi said...

i'm de-lurking to say that hopefully the two rude cows will see your post and feel really awful for being so damn insensitive & rude - grrrrrr!

i think you look amazing and i know what you feel like right now - i felt the same with my second pregnancy, i wasn't ready for it and i didn't really want to be in that place though. it took me over a year to even love my baby boy.

you hang in there girl, you are amazing :)

x candice x

Karie said...

A pregnant woman is one of the most beautiful visions in life! Boo to their rudeness and ignorance. Cheers to your belly and awesomeness!

Irina said...

How I wish to be chubby again!!!it's the most fantastic time. Head up, belly out and full of pride because pregnant bellies are the best!
and anyway, your "chubbyness" is temporary, hers is probably not...

Anna said...

Chubby? That's rude. Thank you for posting this - it's a good reminder of how hurtful our comments can be whether we think they're heard or not.

Marty said...

You sure have some self-control...or maybe you're just nicer than me :) because I would probably have turned around to confirm that yes, I AM pregnant--in a not-so-very nice way.

I had three kids in 4 years. Boom boom boom...Oct 07, Aug 08, and Jan 2011. I know just how you feel, because with my last I was my hugest ever! But things do return to more-or-less normal :) If I were you, I'd dish up a big 'ol bowl of ice cream, rest it on my gorgeous belly, and enjoy the feeling. But I love that you were honest about how you feel.

But hate to tell you--you DO look fabulous. Oh yes you do ;)

Clong said...

I'm due in four weeks and carry WAYYYYYY out in front. Two other women in my ward are due within days of me and I am constantly reminded by my lovely fellow ward members of how pregnant I look compared to them. One of the other pregnant women makes constant comments about it, that are quite insulting and of course we work in the same auxiliary so there's no avoiding her. Once she asked me if my doctor was concerned about how large I am, and if not she should be concerned because I am "freakishly huge." I actually measure totally normal. For awhile I would come home from church every week crying. But I ultimately came to the same realization you have, darn it I'm a hot pregnant lady! And my husband agrees, so who cares what other nutty people think. Work it girl!

Lia said...

How awesome it is that you have a safe place to let all that emotion out. I know many women would hold it in and just feel miserable. I hope you are feeling better today.
There is that pregnancy stage where you want to wear those t-shirts that say BABY with an arrow pointing down but there is no way I would look at your awesome figure and not think you are a mama to be. Enjoy the heck out of this pregnancy, you deserve it.

phalloeun @ growing grandbergs said...

Oh I'm so sorry you had to hear such awful comments from such awful people. Growing a baby that you have been waiting for forever is the most beautiful thing!

Michelle said...

You certainly do not look fat or even a little chubby. You look like a woman who is growing a baby inside of your body! That's all! It's beautiful.

I'm sorry you had to listen to the insensitivity of those people. I know that a few words from a stranger in Blogland won't provide much comfort, but I felt like I had to respond.

Christiana said...

I hope you read this comment. I was only about 7 months pregnant at work. The elevator came and this women stood next to me. Their is only six floors. She turned to look at my stomach and said in a very high pitched voice, "Are you due any minute NOW?". I said no. She THEN said," ARE you having TWINS?". I was too shocked to say anything except mutter No, I was only having one baby. She didn't stop their: She says next,"You SURE are HUGE!". I relate this story to people sometimes. One person said after I told them what she said, "Wow, let me really tell you what I'm thinking". I was crushed, just like you. I decided that I was beautiful pregnant and no one can say otherwise!

grace said...

Hello! You're growing a baby!
(Darn hormones&self-esteem, they getcha every time!)

Warning: well-intended rant to follow....

Sometimes people:
a. forget or
b. don't quite make it when they try to be 'tactful'
c. or, ummm, they have something in their eye if they can't discern a pregnant vs. chubby person.

Good grief people! Grab some Visine, clean out those eyes, and teach your daughter about the sacrifices moms make even before giving birth to that long awaited baby. Maybe we can counteract that bad body image problem in more ways than we know :)
Love Tez' "Does knowledge matter?"

Hope today was better :)

Staci said...

Isn't it funny how a pregnant belly invites the most awkward and tactless comments? I sorta want to take a poll and compile a book of the most ridiculous comments women got while pregnant. This would definitely make the cut.

andthenyoucamealong said...

I read your blog almost everyday and I had a little boy May 26 of last year. When I was pregnant, I gained A LOT of weight. I was around 120 and then ended up at around 180. I may have overindulged but it was my first pregnancy and I didn't care. At one of my friend's baby shower, a woman I knew clear across the room said, "Wow Ashley, you've really gained a lot of weight!" I've always had issues with my weight and that just crushed me. There were about 15 people around her and I felt humiliated. I guess we are more intelligent and respect people's feelings enough not to say something like that out loud. You look beautiful! =)

amy said...

You are fabulously beautiful! I'm so sorry that they hurt you, shame on them!!! Love to you and your beautiful family, all 5 of you!!! :)

SewTara said...

Wow I can't believe you didn't turn around!
You did nothing wrong, they need to know they were being rude and you heard. I'd send the 'acquaintance' the link to your post :)
But then again, it's probably best to just let it roll off your back. Something will happen one day, do unto others.

You are undoubtedly preggers! Enjoy the wondrous journey!

Julie said...

First, good for you for choosing to walk away and not 'justifying' your beautiful shape... and second, anyone who's had kids should know the baby bump; And! considering your 'chubbiness' is ONLY in your front midsection, umm, DUH on them!

Enjoy your baby chubbs! Every pregnant woman is BEAUTIFUL, and you are no exception.... I still find it astonishing that something so miniscule in the beginning ends up making our hearts grow so big that we're sure they'll burst out of our chests. As a mom of 3 (2 boys and a girl) who has had all of my children well into my 30's (a-hem, pushing 40), my advice is to embrace your shape, love the beauty that is your pregnant body, and know that when your husband looks at you he is very proud and so in love with the gorgeous woman he sees. You're growing a baby, and you deserve to be whatever shape you need to bring your little bub into the world.

Enjoy your journey ;)

Miss Rosie said...

That is a baby bump if every I have seen it. I still don't think that my belly screams "There's a baby in here!!!!" and I am not sure I ever did with my first. But that is a definite bump.

ArtGirl said...

youre not chubby. youre pregnant! and youre beautiful! youre definitely not gross. dont even let their comments get to you. they're just jealous of you and your beauty!

The Bonjour Four said...

just came across your blog and i had to comment and tell you--- no, you are absolutely not chubby. no way! in fact, you look very healthy and it is very obvious you are carrying a child and not chubby. that is just ridiculous (and rude!). You are absolutely right... carrying a child is a beautiful act!

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