Friday, August 26, 2011
I'm done. Seriously. Can you tell by my face? Today was a particularly grumpy morning. The girls flipped out crying & bellyaching when I asked them to get dressed so that we could go run an errand. Serious hardcore bratty style. It made me mad! All they want to do is watch TV or play games on the computer. I've been tired + lazy & have been letting them indulge more than I should & because of it they have turned into little terrors at times.
Really they are not that terrible, my sweet little girls...we are all just over the summer. Temperatures have been so high around here. Over 110 degrees for the past week or so. Sure makes for a grumpy 9 months pregnant lady. I have to remember that affects the kids too. We are just worn out & you know what. It's okay to just take it slow these last few days of summer break.
Good news is that Sadie starts back at school on Monday. I'm so excited for her. I feel bad that she has to go to school when it's still over 100 degrees out, but better than sitting around the house because it's too hot to go out. I want to just squeeze her & tell her to stop growing up so fast! By the way, her other front tooth fell out last week. I never knew that I could love a toothless smile so much!
So I'm at 36 weeks now with the pregnancy. I found out at my doctor appointment earlier this week that I am dilated to a 4 & 70% effaced. This is totally strange for me. Not at all consistent with my last two pregnancies. I was dying with pain when I was at a 4 with Claire. That's the point that I couldn't think I could do it anymore & asked for an epidural.
We have 3 more weeks until my scheduled repeat c-section. I know it is entirely possible that I could stay at a 4 until then. Still I keep wondering if I'll go into labor before that. So that's added a bit of anxiety. I'm concerned about getting everything ready, the house cleaned & all projects finished in case he decides to come early.
Because we don't have a closet for the baby, we created a little wardrobe out of a bookshelf. Now this genius idea is not mine. Rachel at Smile and Wave created a really awesome retro cool one for her son. I knew that this would be the perfect solution for us & so affordable too!
Just need to get the crib bumper sewn. I washed the fabric for that project yesterday, so we're ready to go whenever my energy level permits. :)
Last night I had an emotional breakdown. I couldn't hold back the tears. I think I told Dylan that I couldn't do this any longer. I don't really remember feeling like this with any other pregnancy. I just want to feel better. I want my old body back & my energy!
Then I have moments almost daily when I think about holding this little baby in my arms & every single time I cry. I just cannot hold back the emotion. I feel like I've waited a lifetime for this baby to be here with me. The waiting has gone on long before the start of this pregnancy. It is just so special. So then I decide not to think about how I feel physically because in the end it is worth it & I would gladly go through even more hard times just to have this baby.